April Fools: Darren Sharper as the Next Bachelor?

This one is both hilarious and edging that fine line between hilarity and downright wrong. But that is our specialty. Luckily for everyone involved, it’s all part of the April Fools fun.


Ladies, try to keep your clothes on, because Darren Sharper is looking for love. 

According to sources close to the show, Season 19 of The Bachelor will feature former safety for the New Orleans Saints Darren Sharper as their male lead with a bevy of ladies hoping for the chance to capture the former athlete’s heart and act as witnesses for the defense. 

Sharper announced Friday through his attorney that he is “very excited about starting this new adventure” and that “finding love has been tricky for me….I just want someone who isn’t going to talk to the press or the police.” The player’s former love interests have remarked that Sharper is both “the strong, silent type…who likes long walks, dogs, and drinks with that ‘little something extra’.” 

Women from all over the country have flocked to the casting calls hoping for a chance to see the player. One potential contestant hopes “to step on his balls with my stilettos” and another remarked “I’m going to get him into a dark room, tie him up, turn on some romantic music, and then beat him with a sock full of nickels.” What a lucky guy. 

Sharper has a few interesting requests for the show such as “camera-free dates” “no feminists” and “lawyers on stand-by” for the season’s filming duration. He has even decided to take a creative twist. In lieu of handing out the traditional roses, he’ll be giving away non-disclosure agreements and hush money. 

When asked about this season’s choice, one woman was quoted as saying “That grand prize better be a chance to rip his dick off.” Another simply said “You’ve got to be [expletive] kidding me.” 

Castings will take place in California, Arizona and New Orleans and producers ask that women bring the following: cocktail attire, taser, mace, pepper spray and a concealable weapon. This year’s grand prize includes an all expense paid trip to the location of Mr. Sharper’s possible incarceration, unlimited conjugal visits, and the general disgust and revulsion of the nation.


Would you have tried out? Check out more April Fools goodness and get your laughs going!

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About Morgan

Morgan was born in Georgia, raised in Louisiana, a Southern gal through and through. A graduate of the University of New Orleans, she loves her Saints, her city and inserting thinly veiled sarcasm throughout all her writing.

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