With fall being right around the corner, you’re
more than likely definitely looking for someone to snuggle up and get cozy with. Hey, who isn’t? Lucky for you, but not for your impending arthritis of the thumb, we have Tinder, a matchmaking mobile app that connects to your Facebook and can also be customized so you’re only viewing people within a certain radius of you. HOW CONVENIENT. And since New Orleans is home to the most single people in the nation, you’re bound to find someone to casually hook up with marry. It’s like the sex offender locator, but for love. Cute.
See a picture you like? Double tap/ Swipe Right them and they’ll be notified of your tapping. This already sounds terrifying, because if someone is going to tap me, I’d at least like for them to buy me dinner first. See a picture you dislike and never want to see in person? Left-swipe that b-word and you’ll never see his/her face again. Thank God/Satan/whatever the eff you believe in that technology has made it so that we never have to use real words again to meet people. That is, until they double tap you back…
I know what you’re thinking. “Kaitlyn, I’m so used to using my fingers to communicate. How on God/Satan/whatever the eff’s green earth am I supposed to communicate IN PERSON?” Well, unless you’re at an ASL convention, you’re going to need to use your words to woo your Tinder match on your first date. Need some help? Lucky for you, again, I exist, and I’m sharing some places to bring your Tinder date.
Home to the motto “EAT. DRINK. PLAY.”, Barcadia would be an excellent place to take your Tinder date. Not only could you drown your nervousness in one of their many beers on tap, but you could also spend hours and hours playing arcade games. It’s the best of both worlds, right? You’re out in public, socializing with your date, but you’re also satisfying your need-to-move-my-thumbs habit by way of arcade games. It’s like real life…but better.
2. A Job Interview
According to this article, the “hot” new thing to do on Tinder is to upload your resume and bank account in place of a profile picture of your face. Because it’s not about looks, it’s about brains. Right, because, when it’s 2am, the only thing I’m looking for is someone to discuss philosophy with. On another note, this could be making waves in the job-search market. It’s business, but Tinder. Business Tinder. Why didn’t I think of this?! Go ahead, double tap that bank statement. Make this guy/gal a CEO. You know you want to. After all, love isn’t about how you look together, it’s about what’s in the bank.
3. A clinic for an STD test
Because Tinder has a reputation for being the “hookup app”, why not kill two birds with one stone on your Tinder date by bringing him/her straight to the clinic for an STD test! Seriously, it’s so simple. While you wait to be called into the back room, you can hookup in the bathroom sans contraceptives to make for a more accurate reading. Also, you’ll probably want to have a flask on your person to ease first date jitters. We’re human. We all have them! First date jitters, not STDs.
The name of this cocktail bar kind of speaks for itself. Whatever you’re trying to cure (loneliness, boredom, the downfall of your ego), this place will do the trick. Grab one of their many cocktails or a cheese plate, and you’re sure to be on the road to recovery. If your date is going awkward, just use some B.S. excuse that you are lactose intolerant and the 6 Month Aged Raw Sheep’s Milk Sardinia just isn’t sitting well. If the date is going well, then order another round and enjoy the evening.
5. Manhattan Jack
Perhaps you’re wanting to keep your first Tinder date extra casual. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. Added bonus of being out during the day? Getting your daily dose of vitamin D. It’s a win win. Manhattan Jack is a notorious breakfast and lunch spot in Uptown New Orleans. Their menu ranges from a sophisticated bagel and lox to a grilled ooey, gooey PB&J. They also serve coffee and pastries, so you could totally be like, “*double tap* Hey, would you want to get coffee tomorrow a.m.?” Hopefully their response would be, “EFF YEAH. COFFEE.” If they don’t like coffee, move on. People who don’t consume caffeine can’t be trusted.
6. Finn McCool’s Irish Pub
There’s just something about this place that is calming to me. Maybe it’s the friendly bartenders or the laid back atmosphere or the idea that I’m that much closer to being connected to Ireland just by visiting this little neighborhood bar (even though I’m like, still really far away from Ireland). Regardless, I think this would be a nice place to bring a date. Keep it casual and hit up Finn’s on a Monday evening for their weekly pub quiz that begins at 8pm. Have a couple of drinks and kick back with your Tinder-Tap and win some trivia. This is also a surefire way to find out of they’re smart. If they are, congrats to you. If they’re not, trick them and STEAL THEIR MONEY.
7. Picnic in Audubon Park
I had to include one cutesy idea into this post. I am a young lady after all, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I like cute things. I’d also consider myself to be a little bit romantic. This one can be either casual or a bit more intimate if taken into the evening. Just don’t forget mosquito repellant, because those things are out to kill. I think this would be an especially great place to meet for an afternoon picnic. You’re surrounded by other people, so if there’s a lull in conversation, you can people watch. You can also spend some time keeping an eye on those geese, because those little shits will bite you in the ass if you’re not careful. Find a nice spot in the shade under an oak tree, chew like you have a secret (name that movie!), and get to chatting up your date. Hell, throw in some champagne just because this is New Orleans and we heart booze.
This is where I leave you, my little birds. It’s time to fly free in the world of dating. Put your game face on, stretch out those thumbs, and get to swiping, tapping, and all of that other nonsense. If you’re feeling extra adventurous, maybe ask for that special someone’s number and give them a call or walk to their house in the pouring rain and tell them you love them like they did back in the day? I don’t know. Just a thought. Regardless of how you snag a date, be thankful that you did. You’re that much closer to not being single in New Orleans. Congrats… I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU.
Where are your favorite places to take your Tinder catches? Use your thumbs to type them in our comments section!