April Fools: Missing Pilots Found on Bourbon?

This post gave all of us at Red Beans and Life a good laugh and made us feel dirty all over. But no worries, it was all part of our April Fools series!


After nearly three weeks of speculation and searching, the two pilots of missing Malaysia Flight 370 were found late Wednesday morning.

At approximately 4:35 am local time, NOPD officers responded to a reported noise complaint on the 700 block of Bourbon Street. Officers arrived on scene to find two gentlemen in tattered clothing resembling flight suits shouting the lyrics to John Denver’s 1969 hit “Leaving on a Jet Plane.”

The two gentlemen, later identified as pilots Capt. Zaharie Ahmad Shah and 1st Officer Faiq Ab Hamid, were visibly intoxicated. When questioned about what they were doing on Bourbon Street, they expressed no recollection of even getting there.

“Dude, where’s my plane” Shah said.

NOPD officers quickly realized who they had in custody, and demanded to know where the missing plane was and if they had been in the city this whole time.

“Guys, guys, relax, it’ll turn up. I left it where I left my phone. But did one of you steal my [censored] phone? Seriously, where is my phone?” he said.

Bartenders in the area confirmed that the two have been in and out of almost every Bourbon Street bar for the past few days. Sources say that the duo paid bar tabs using a company credit card and have only requested Justin Bieber songs, saying that they “want to hear America’s little lady-boy.”

“It totally makes sense that they’re the missing pilots,” said bartender Lyle Evans, “they kept talking about how pissed their boss is going to be when they go back.”

When asked about the missing data from their flight simulator tests one of the pilots remarked, “That was my bad. I was trying to delete my internet history. I gotta remember to use an Incognito window next time.”

When asked why the pilots came to New Orleans, Hamid explained that they were looking for fuel to make it to Miami.

“We heard you guys specialize in high powered jet fuel, something called 190 Octane. A girl let me take some out of her boobs… after that it was just blackness” Hamid said.

Police brought the confused pilots into the station for further questioning and found what appeared to be a set of keys in Shah’s pocket, along with a parking ticket for Nagin’s Express Plane Park hangar at Louis Armstrong International Airport.

“We thought that was a granite warehouse all along,” said an airport representative, who chooses to remain anonymous.

The pilots are being brought to Washington D.C. to answer further questions, although both have expressed serious confusion at the controversy as “You know you lose one [expletive] plane and suddenly you’re a bad pilot.”


That would have been a sight, wouldn’t it? Check out the other parody articles we posted around the internet for Aprils Fools Day!

pilot cover

About Morgan

Morgan was born in Georgia, raised in Louisiana, a Southern gal through and through. A graduate of the University of New Orleans, she loves her Saints, her city and inserting thinly veiled sarcasm throughout all her writing.

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